| (no subject) |
[Jul. 31st, 2007|01:53 am] |
Dear Costco customers,
That's not going to fit in your car! That is entirely too large to fit into this tiny vehicle. Your lack of foresight has brought shame to us both.
Bad! That's a bad customer! No!
-Richard
P.S. You know what I hear is nice? Sam's Club. They've got free kittens.
Kittens not your thing? Fine. They've got free awkward old-people ointments. Now with 40% more awkward and 40% less ointment.
P.P.S. If you leave your baby in the grocery cart during checkout, it's officially OK for me to pile bread on top of him or her. That way the bread won't get smushed, and the baby's got plenty of plastic to play in. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 29th, 2007|12:27 am] |
Dear Costco customers,
You don't need all that food.
-Richard |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 24th, 2007|01:11 am] |
Yeah. 4 dimensions. Think about that. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 12th, 2007|11:19 pm] |
On a related topic...
- I have 3 Whataburger number-triangles: 14, 21, and 28. They're all factors of 7. Combining that with the 7 dwarves and 7 continents, and it turns out Jim Carrey murdered people.
- My dream job would be to own my own towel-business. I'd be the CEO of the largest towel producer in the Northern hemisphere (that's the best hemisphere). All the towel-profits would let me buy my dream house. It'd be a gigantic hexagonal glass building with one door, leading to a spirally slide, leading to the worlds largest plastic-ball pit.
- "Brazil" is the best movie/country combination in the world. For those unfamiliar with them, one is a chilling tale of forced conformity and bureaucracy from some of the creators of Monty Python, and the other speaks Portuguese.
- Hi mom!
- Hillary's the best.
- I aced the punctuation section of the Grammar-Spelling-Punctuation test. So if anyone has commas, I'm now licensed to show you where to put them.
- Social conflict and class struggles were a major factor leading to the religious revivals of Rochester, NY in the early 1800's.
- I have two more plants, both little Jack-Pine tree seedlings.
-Filler. Filler. Filler. Filler. Filler.
- House M.D. is great. Not Hillary great, but still really really good.
- The time is now.
- April 10th was the 100th day of the year.
- My mom's cousin is one of the zombies in Grindhouse (the one with the gigantic overflowing brain), and Bruce Willis' stunt-double.
- My favorite color is grey. With an "e". |
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| I have a tree. |
[Feb. 17th, 2007|01:58 am] |
Day One:
Day One Hundred and Eight:
It grew. |
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| I hereby proclaim this poetic. |
[Jan. 28th, 2007|12:46 am] |
Top 5 things I should update about:
1) I have 16 separate plants in my apartment.
2) The person living below me complained to the apartment staff that I was walking around too loudly, and after a few months of me walking around as loudly as I could, the staff came up here, saw that I was awesome and my place was snazzy, then told the guy below me to shut up and deal.
3) Aaron Aiken's Haiku!:
You are twenty-two!
Refrigerator magnet,
Sorry about Colt.
Hope you found your class,
Down the hall and to the left,
If there was a left.
Watch out for hippies.
Hallucinogenic drugs.
(And happy birthday)
4) Nope, th
5) at's it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 17th, 2006|12:18 am] |
"Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there - on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam. The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors, so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand. It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known."
-Carl Sagan |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 10th, 2006|05:56 pm] |
Whatever, it was fun. 6 jets flew over, Emmitt Smith was sitting in the stands, Lance Armstrong tossed the coin, and Matthew Mckonasomething was running around on the field waving at the sky, stuff like that. Ohio State fans are pretty docile. Except one that was a bastard when Bronson tried to help him find a street, but he also dropped a $20 piece pulling out the map. Maybe his heart medicine costs 20$. That'd be funny.
You could fit every student from UT and a&m into that stadium. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 8th, 2006|01:04 pm] |
I guess the complex is only for UT students. They program our school ID's to open the doors like a hotel. There's only about 20 people living here right now. I'm assuming all the non-Austin kids are waiting until a week before school to leave their families behind.
The water pressure's respectable, I'm told the thread-counts 'twill suffice, the elevator's a little slow, and my parking space is awkwardly located in terms of swinging into.
Top floor again.
Downtown life's a lot like Tech campus life. People don't look up when crossing streets and every other person's drunk. But instead of the mufferless ear-drummer motorcycles, we have long-haired people with one-strap backpacks that both lift and separate, and a bicycle with thin wittle wheels.
I like it here. My socks slide on the floor. |
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| SJ06 |
[Jun. 26th, 2006|11:10 pm] |
I got a summer job! I'm head-physician at Texas Tech's student-hospital. I didn't think I'd get the job, considering....
I'm dangerously unqualified.
I live 402 miles away.
I didn't apply.
I've never been in that hospital.
But hey, I'm not arguing. I already got 2 paychecks. $1200 and $1800 this month. Somewhere in there I got a raise.
Life's not fair.
F**k the industry. |
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| What? |
[Jun. 3rd, 2006|01:41 am] |
-Why is Jacob such a popular name? It's Hebrew for "held by the heel", so why doesn't everyone just go with Achilles? You'd think 9 months of thinking-about-it combined with the importance of a child's birth would produce something special. Like, an original name that only this kid's gonna have. When little Achilles Bonemarrow Smith looks through his yearbook, he's gonna feel like an individual. Not that Jacob's a bad name or anything. It just seem weird that the fanciest people go with names is spelling them differently. And how does a couple decide if the fruit-of-their-collective-loin is a Cathy or a Kathy? Rock Paper Scissors? Mom wins, it's a C. Dad wins, it's a K. They tie, it's Kathie. Dad wins with rock and it's after 8:16 Mountain-time and his fingernails are clean, it's Cathi. Unless someone sneezes. If someone sneezes it's Chathie automatically. That's the Chathie-clause.
-Why is Natalie Holloway such a big story? A kid probably went missing in the time it takes to read the first paragraph. What was their name? Who cares? They weren't from Alabama.
-I think one of the coolest facial features would be a scar from the forehead to the cheek, bypassing the eye. Nothing's wrong with the eye. Like Scar from the Lion King. If you were the boss of a company, and Scar from the Lion King came in and applied for a job, could you say no? Of course not. If you got into a fight, he's obviously impervious to eye-attacks. Sub-Zero from Mortal Kombat had one. Am I alone in this? Can I get an amen?
-I think my Hell would just be normal life with a hangnail that will never come off.
-I wonder if I could jump over a car. One that was, you know, coming at me really fast. 'Cause Bronson's car's roof can't be more than 4 feet off the ground. Of course I'd need to time it right. I could do it. I'd have to lay out. The landing would hurt. Hmm.
-The majority of kleenex boxes in the house have Spongebob on them. That seems like unfair advertising. The brand-name is "Puffs", but who's ever been asked if they needed a Puff? "Aww, dry those tears. Here, take a Puff." Pothead mourning. It's like having chips called Chipz. "Hey Bob, you want some Chipz?", "Sure, what kind?", "Chipz.", "What kind?". Et Cetera.
-Everything sounds intelligent when it's in Latin. Like...."Auribus tenere lupum" sounds pretty impressive. What could it mean? It could be the motto for a college, or the title of a best-selling book, or the most romantic or philosophetic line ever. BUT, it means "I hold a wolf by the ears." Pfffst? Or how about "Appareo Decet Nihil Munditia"? Let's break it down. Appareo is like appears, decet is like deciet, nihil is like............munditia. So something about appearances being deceitful? Nope. It means "Is it not Nifty?". "Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus" is "Let's all wear mood-rings!" and "Apudne te vel me?" is "Your place or mine?". Maybe English has the same effect in some other country. Where I could just walk around with a crown of olive-branches and say stuff like "Nobody has to be there, but if I was quartz I'd like a negro" and everyone would think I was deep.
-No, seriously, I want an amen on the eye-scar thing.
-Amoto nay quaeramus seria ludo. (That's "No, seriously folks").
-I went through and read all my livejournal entries while listening to Kelly Clarkson's "Addicted" to see if anything matched up in a meaningful way. Turns out, nope.
-Banks giving interest is such a weird concept when you take an overview. "Wow! Look at all the money you have! Here! Have some money!"
-I've seen 4 people this summer, and the last time I counted I had more homies than that. MANY MORE HOMIES! Like, 5 more or something. But still. Let's do lunch.
-I don't know why, but satire/sarcasm is my favorite type of humor.
-I'm gonna end this with a question. If you could just, all of a sudden, know how to play a musical instrument to perfection, what would you want to play? I'd go banjo. First person to say "acoustic guitar" loses.
You'll scroll through it, and you'll like it. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 17th, 2006|12:37 pm] |
IIII got another plant. It needs a name. I was thinking "Photosynthispot", or "OMGlucose", or "WTFlowers". Of course the last two are only funny typed. "Aaron Asexualreproduction"?
Yesterday, I played basketball for 4 hours or so, saved a fish, almost ran out of gas, said hi to Zoe's car, saved a plant, found Jesus, ran into a rarely-locked door, lost Jesus again (that little rascal), aaand played basketball for 6 more hours, and also Hillary for almost all of the day. She's the best.
Leave your FAVORITE TYPE OF PLANT'S COMMON NAME, and:
1. I'll respond with something random about you
2. I'll challenge you to try something
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you
4. I'll tell you something I like about you
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you
8. And if I do this for you, you have to live above the influence. |
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| School Change (For Facebook. And maybe other reasons too) |
[Apr. 17th, 2006|08:40 pm] |
Fall 2006 College Of Communications Public Relations University of Texas Austin Texas Accepted Squee.
(An artist rendition of the mental throne I will be seated upon in every Texas Tech class left for the semester) |
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